#meetandtweet

I want to meet all of the human beings who follow me on twitter. I've made a list, I've been at it for a week. I've met 5. It's been terrific. Why do I want to meet all the human beings who follow me on twitter?

The main reason is simple. At some point I'm going to be dead and wouldn't this be a fun thing to do and a cool story to tell. When I had the notion I then went ahead and started asking people before I chickened out or rationalised it too much. Begin now etc.

There are more intellectual reasons I've made up since arranging to meet people and feeling like I should  have some kind of formal explanation. Stuff like how Twitter is a tool, but people don't use it to it's fullest potential. Sure it's great for marketing and in some senses measuring success, but at heart it's a social network, and more so than any other offers the potential to meet all kinds of new people. 

But what if they're a psycho? People generally aren't psychos. 99% of the people you've ever met have been good people. Some of them may have been stupid or ignorant or boring or smelled bad, so you wouldn't want to hang out with them more, but none of them were a danger. Even if they were, so long as I didn't die it'd make the story even better.

I'm not a danger, I just want to meet everyone who follows me on twitter. 

The King is dead, long live the Kings

HMV going into administration was inevitable. Over the past few days I’ve seen a bunch of people online talking about how much of a shame it is and posting their #hmvmemories. There’s a huge store where I live in Glasgow in a prime city centre location. The very few times I’ve been in there over the past year or two it’s felt like a tomb. No doubt someone will buy it, but unless they drastically change what they do, it will just be delaying the inevitable.

Here’s why I go to the high street, I’m not including supermarkets or corner shops in this:

1 – I absolutely need something NOW. Usually a last minute gift.

2 – I want to test something out or try something on.

3 – Exploring the city. Checking out the people, looking for something new.

Number 1 and 2 I still do, but regarding the stuff HMV sell I don’t need to. Everything is digital, and it is BETTER that way and will not change.

Number 3 I do very rarely, because in most high streets there's nothing to see. Looking through all the #hmvmemories stuff on twitter, a lot of people are lamenting the loss of HMV, claiming that it was the place where they first discovered X band who changed their life. I can sympathise.

I grew up in a relatively small town in South Wales. Despite being serviced with some great indie record shops in addition to the high street, there was still a lot of stuff I couldn’t get. A trip to a big city with a big record shop was a big deal. They had all that stuff that you couldn’t get anywhere else. Usually you’d go with a pal, so they’d be pointing out stuff to you too. It was an exciting social experience. All of that happens still, but it’s online and it’s better.

I do think there is still a place in the highstreet for a shop like HMV though, but by trying to replicate the online models it will already have failed.

Here’s what I think. The growth of online has been a huge blow to the high street and has no doubt been a  factor in the fall of HMV, BUT it has also led to an explosion of creativity and new talent. There are more bands, artists, t-shirt designers, dress makers and every kind of artisan worker than ever before. The tools and the knowledge are readily available. Every city in the country will have its own collection of makers and creators, really good ones too, the issue is exposure.

So why not convert these dusty cathedrals to old media into something new? Why not take an HMV, a huge complex in the centre of a city, and use it as a constantly updating showcase for the absolute best that the city has to offer.

Essentially a big market with stalls and tables and wall space available to rent at realistic prices. Give local creators, makers and designers a chance to showcase themselves. Stalls for jewellery makers, demo pods for indie game developers, racks and displays for local dress makers made by local cabinet designers. Allow artists and photographers to display their work on the walls, allow local filmmakers to screen their films. Keeping the old HMV ethos alive, they could showcase local bands, give them a chance to play some songs and set up a merch table  and have links to their website.

To use one particular case study based on Glasgow: http://getaroundglasgow.spreadshirt.co.uk/shop/designs

These are brilliant t shirts that will mean nothing to anyone outside of Glasgow. I imagine the notion of setting up a shop on a highstreet wouldn’t even cross their mind. The rent would be astronomical and they wouldn’t make enough money. How about instead they can book a table at a huge megastore in the middle of the city. Maybe rent it for a month. Give them a chance to raise their profile, show off their wares and make a bit of money.

This would reintroduce the social aspect of the high street too. It would give people a reason to explore and discover and as a bonus it would help local businesses flourish and make the high street something that sits at the heart of the city.

It would also make visits to other cities more exciting, because every one would have its own unique features, and give you a much broader sense of the place rather than just another huge warehouse filled with DVDs you’ve already seen that only cost £5!

His Master’s voice doesn’t work anymore. The image of the dog staring amazed at the disembodied voice coming from the gramophone. Everyone has their own voice now, and their own way of projecting it. It’s not one voice shouting to many it’s a conversation, and it should be public. 

Declan Dineen Lies for Money - A review, of me, not by me.

I had to see Declan Dineen Lies for Money, not least because I found the title of his show refreshingly honest in a festival where every show is, it seems, ‘five stars’, ‘unmissable’ or just ‘brilliant’. Declan describes himself as ‘a magician, writer and all around good guy’ and I spoke with him before his show. When you learn his early inspirations were James Randi, the American mathematician and science writer Martin Gardiner and cult magic de-bunkers Penn & Teller you understand where his show gets it edge from. Declan first performs then deconstructs a series of card and other tricks, alongside a narrative demonstrating how easy it can be to get taken in by charlatans. Part of Declan Dineen’s charm for me was the recognition that, intelligent as we all might like to think ourselves, few of us are truly immune from some sense of wonder or mystery at the seemingly inexplicable. The other part of his charm is that, having explained the trick, you still can’t help but admire the skill with which he performed it.

Skeptic Magazine - Link

Gafencu Article - Interview with Aubrey de Grey

The Death-Defying Feats of Aubrey De Grey

Ever since self-awareness kicked in and Neanderthal man began to wonder just why his cave mate was lying in the corner surrounded by flies and beginning to whiff, rather than off hunting mammoths as normal, man has wondered why he can’t have life everlasting. The quest for living forever began as soon as humanity realised it didn’t and couldn’t.

Today most people treat this as a subject for idle speculation, a “what-if” scenario, akin to “which superpower would you have?” A brief appraisal of current research into preventing aging, though, may make you realise that living for hundreds of years may not be quite as farfetched as it first appears.

One name dominates the field in terms of massively extending the human lifespan—Aubrey De Grey. A laid-back, charming fellow with a beard down to his waist and a glint in his eye, I met with him on a beautiful frosty morning in his hometown of Cambridge, England. I was here to discuss his ideas and, in particular, his claim that the first human being to live to be 1,000 years old may be alive right now. First, though, he wants to make a point.

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Gafencu Article - 3D Printing

A Solid Bond In Your Hearth
The day every home comes with a 3D printer, capable of bonding solid objects on demand is the day the world genuinely changes forever 

There have been more concepts billed as “life-changing” in the last century than in the rest of recorded history put together. This is partly because of the 20th/21st century penchant for marketing overkill and partly because it’s been undeniably true, at least in a number of cases. 

Unlike many other contenders – Betamax video-recorders, jet packs and the self-cleaning suit, the 3D printer may well actually live up to the hype. Bigger, more real and more fundamentally transformational than the internet? Well yes.

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Gafencu Article - Camera Collectibles

The record-breaking Leica 0-Series sold at auction in Vienna in May this year and is just the latest in a steady succession of record-breaking camera sales. When the Leica was originally placed in the auction it had a reserve of just US$290,000 (HK$2.3m), a figure it quickly—and breathtakingly—exceeded. 

　　 　　It’s not surprising. With the introduction of digital photography, the camera has suddenly become ubiquitous. Everyone now has a digital camera in their pocket and, crucially, over the past five or six years, they have had access to dedicated software that allows them to modify their photos, often by simply using the same device. Whilst much of this photographic software is largely based around clearing up imperfections, its use in the hands of a professional can produce some breathtaking imagery. 

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Speaker with a Hat On

"Hey Kyle, you ever see faces in things that don't have faces?"

Jason Jacobi is a joke thief. One the eve of the biggest show of his career, he gets caught in a lie, and as his world unravels his conscience takes an unlikely form. 

This is the story of a Speaker with a Hat On.

Starring Neil Bratchpiece, Matthew Ellis, Tyler Collins, John Gaffney, Angie Moir and Billy Kirkwood. This is the debut film by Declan Dineen.

But wait! (he says,  like a terrible infomercial for knives that you watch at 2am, nobody is judging you) That's not all! 

As well as the film, there will be a number of live stand up sets from these fine comedians: 

Neil Bratchpiece

Rob Kane 

Pearse O'Halloran

Liam Withnail

It's FREE too. There is literally nothing stopping you. Come along, bring your friends, delight your senses. 

Doors at 7.30 for 8pm. 

WHERE IT IS

The Art School Cafe/bar

468 Sauchiehall Street

Glasgow G2 3LW

For more info on the movie, check out - http://declandineen.com/b/swaho

Any queries, email info@declandineen.com

If you know someone else who fancies coming feel free to share the link around. I encourage it in fact.

Halloween

Halloween is on a Wednesday this year, so unless you’re a drunk or a student chances are you’re not going to be dressing up and hitting a party. If you do, the party is likely to be terrible. It’s a Wednesday FFS. All the partying should have been done last weekend. 

So no party, presumably too old to trick or treat,  the next stop will likely be a scary movie? That's totally fine. Nobody's judging you here. I think there's something better though which I feel is often overlooked. Scary TV. 

Now there’s a tradition of TV show Halloween specials, particularly in sitcoms. Roseanne always had brilliant Halloween eps, and more recently the greatest sitcom of the 21st century, Community, has had an amazing run of Halloween eps. I’m not here to talk about that though, I want to talk about  fear, and why I think TV shows are capable of freaking you out more than any movie can. 

Certainly in my life, the scares and fears that have stuck with me have been the ones I've seen on TV. There's a specific reason for this I think. TV is personal. It isn't an event, you don't go out to see them. Characters in TV shows are invited into your home on a regular basis. You’ve probably done the ironing to a soap opera. Or sat in your PJs watching a TV drama. These are shows and characters that have been with you in some of your most private moments. They are guests, they’re old friends.

So when a TV show decides to throw in something horrific or weird, often the effect is genuinely unsettling. Take this scene below. This is Home and Away. Home and Away! The perennial second place Austrailian soap in British home. Like Neighbours it's a long procession of bland tanned pin ups and old cranky Australians talking about flaming gallars. This is tea time entertainment, stuff you watch when you don't have a job. There are few things as harmless as Home & Away. So that one time when one of the characters sees the ghost of a dead character emerge from the fridge? It’s unnerving.

I'm serious. That terrified me, because why the hell was it happening? Such a jarring moment.

This brings me to one of my most lingering fears, the TV series Twin Peaks. A masterpiece for sure, I think the reason the horrifying moments in Twin Peaks worked so well was that they were placed within a series which tonally had much more in common with your typical TV soap opera.

It was this comfortable, homely atmosphere mixed with the horrific and occult which left me consistently on edge whilst watching it. Add into this incredible score and sound design, which just add to this sense of dread, and you get scenes like this.  I can still barely watch it because if I do every time I look around the room I’m just waiting for Bob to be watching me and oh god what if he’s in the mirror.

That scream, man. Ugh.

Another unlikely moment of terror in my childhood came from Quantum Leap.  Sam Beckett is a hero, one of the last great American heroes on TV. Zero flaws. Quantum Leap was rooted in sci fi but the central premise allowed them to play around with theme quite a lot. Usually this was some noble cause of helping out an underdog of some kind, with Sam ending the episode giving an inspirational speech/roundhouse kick to someone before leaping into the sunset to save another day.

Things went a little differently however in the Halloween episode ‘The Boogieman’. there were all kinds of classic horror set ups which are a little bit chilling for sure, but nothing major. All these weird spooky shenanigans will just be the fault of some kids right? Right?

Wrong. They ran with it until it became a nightmare.

http://www.trilulilu.ro/video-film/quantum-leap-evil-al

(I can't embed this link which annoys me, but you can watch the clip if you click through.)

Granted, they blew it off as a dream right at the end, but holy shit, that moment when you realise this isn’t going to resolve itself, and that AL IS THE  DEVIL. Weeks of sleep loss.

Dawson's Creek. We all remember the nightmare scenario of Joey choosing Pacey over Dawson, but Dawson's Creek had a number of great Halloween episodes during its run. No big surprise really given that  the creator and showrunner Kevin Williamson was also responsible for Scream. He knows how to play around with the genre.

What strikes me most about this particular moment though, the reason it still sticks in my head all these years later, is how extreme it was for what was ultimately just a kids' show. I mean, you expect a kind of ‘spooky’ story, but this was dark and weird, and the payoff was not at all what I expected. It was a good few years before I got online too, and for the longest time I thought I had just imagined this episode.

Which is as good a time as any to introduce perhaps the finest moment of TV horror ever created. Something that absolutely could not exist in the internet world. Stephen Volk’s Ghostwatch. I’m calling it Stephen Volk’s Ghostwatch because I don’t think he’s given enough credit for writing something so groundbreaking and ahead of its time, but also to remind myself that it isn’t real.

I only tuned in to watch it because Craig Charles was one of the presenters and at the time I was a gigantic Red Dwarf nerd so I couldn’t miss it. As the ‘documentary' progressed however I became more and more unsettled. At various points, I literally turned the TV to another channel. I couldn’t face it, it was too real, too intense. If you haven’t seen it I urge you to find a copy and watch it all and don't read anything else about it. 

I can look back on it now and admire the craft of it, it’s a masterpiece. Not just for the believability of the story, but for the craft that went into making it. Such spot on casting of TV favourites. A great studio set, completely believable. Also, whilst we never actually see the ghost, there are several subliminal hints at it peppered throughout the episode like Tyler Durden in Fight Club. 

So brave, so playful and imaginative. Amazing TV. Maybe the saddest part is that it'd be almost impossible to replicate in the modern world, both because the channel wouldn’t allow it, and also because the internet means everyone is connected. Within seconds of the kid speaking in tongues we'd be looking at her casting call pro page and patting ourselves on the back for our detective work. 

Part of me thinks this is a shame, but a bigger part wishes that I had been able to do that at the time. At least I would have got some sleep that night.

Speaker with a Hat O

It started as an anecdote that I didn't believe. I was helping out on a theatre production of The Cherry Orchard which was suffering some severe technical issues. While I stood in the wings during rehearsal, I got to chatting with the lighting designer who proceeded to tell the tale of a production he had worked on a year earlier which had faced even greater problems. 

A few hours before the first performance, one of the supporting cast called in sick. Unable to get a replacement in time, and under extreme stress, the director made a bold and avant garde choice: They took one of the PA speakers from the theatre, dressed it in a cloak and hat and wheeled it out on stage in lieu of the actor. The director then spoke the lines through a mic from backstage. A speaker with a hat on. The absurdity of the image burned into my brain.

I've been writing scripts for years. Sitcoms, plays, movie scripts. I've been working in earnest for the past few years, sending out specs, entering competitions, weeping softly. In an effort to push me that little bit further along in my learning, I decided scripts weren't enough, I had to make something. 

I started looking through my ideas file, and the Speaker with a Hat On was top of my list. Not quite a big enough idea for a feature, but perfect for a weird little short. Initially I tried to just do a literal retelling of the anecdote, but I couldn't wrap it in a satisfying story. I'm mildly obsessive about structure, and after discovering Dan Harmon's story circle (a broader, simplified version of Campbell's heroes journey) I apply it to everything.

The idea of stand up comedy was what shifted it. I've performed some stand up myself, and have a few friends who are professionals. I thought the speaker with a hat on could be a cool cipher for a nervous performer. The ultimate insult comic, because the actual comic could hide backstage. A neat idea, but again, I couldn't frame it around a story. Then: Maybe it could be his conscience? The story wrote itself from there.

I was lucky enough to gather together a great cast and crew and am really proud and humbled at the work they put in. I'm really pleased with the finished result. 

Latest Gafencu Article

The 13th Flaw

Live in Flat 13? Broke a mirror this morning? Accidentally walked under a ladder while avoiding a black cat? Fear not. All superstition is pretty much rot. Well, fingers crossed.... 

Can you imagine a man, readers? Let’s call him David. Or Saul. It doesn’t really bear too much on our tale, after all. Our man has a home, of course, a modest one, but his own. He has a job he finds passingly tolerable and a fiancé he once loved. He also has a group of friends. Oh yes, readers, he has many friends. Life seems good for David. Or Saul. That is until fate takes a hand one Friday the 13th… 

He wakes up as normal, but there his luck ends. He enters the bathroom, intent on cleansing himself from his night soil, but his early morning torpor sees him dash a prized mirror to the ground, scattering its shards across the tiled floor. Readying himself for his daily labours, he checks the window and spots rain clouds, heavy, black and pendulous. Thoughtlessly, he opens his umbrella in the hallway, needlessly checking that all of its ribs remain intact. As he leaves his home, unseen, a black cat slowly slinks across his path. 

On his way to work, he walks under three ladders, none of which were there the day before. He accidentally stands on four cracks in the pavement, then passes a lone magpie. It remains unsaluted. He arrives at his work. He’s the box office manager of St Jonah’s Theatre. In Hobb’s Lane. The first customer comes in and asks for: “Two tickets for the ‘Scottish play’”. “That’ll be Macbeth then. That’s £6.66 exactly,” says Dave/Saul, whistling all the while. 

If you’re a superstitious person, you’ve probably assumed our fictional ticket-seller has damned himself several times over. Surely no man could withstand such a torrent of impending ill-fortune? Even if he knocks on wood for the whole of the next day, clutches a horseshoe, a rabbit's foot and a four leaf clover, all while crossing his fingers, snapping a wish-bone and sporting his lucky y-fronts, he can never hope to counter such damning portents. Surely catastrophe, extreme mortification and possible vivisection all loom large in our man’s immediate future? Right? 

You could not be more wrong. Despite the prevalence of all manner of superstitions across the world, there is no evidence whatsoever to suggest that any of these things have any bearing on your likely fortune. Superstitions are pure fantasy, meaningless concoctions of ill-educated minds. Yet they persevere in our collective consciousness. The question is: ‘Why?’ Is there any intrinsic reason why a horse-shoe is seen as lucky or why walking under a ladder is deemed a harbinger of misfortune in many parts of the world? 

One explanation, bizarrely, was offered by a study of pigeon behaviour. In 1948, a famous American behavioural psychologist, Burrhus Frederic Skinner, published an article in The Journal of Experimental Psychology describing one of his experiments on pigeons. This experiment, he believed, helped explain just why humans were so superstitious. To his mind, it demonstrated why superstition was an integral part of man’s nature and explained its role in evolution and natural selection. 

Read the rest here: http://www.igafencu.com/gm/content_en.php?pid=1800&is=55&cat=5​

SWAHO

About 2 years ago I did some work on a theatre production of The Cherry Orchard. I was officially there to aid one of the actors in performing a few magic tricks. Unofficially I just hung around at rehearsals and soaked up the atmosphere. On one of the days I was chatting with the lighting designer and he told me this story of an amateur production of Shakespeare's Hamlet that he had been involved with. Just a few hours before the show was due to begin, one of the actors called in sick. I forget the part, but it was small, so we'll say Yoric to keep it simple. With no understudy in place, the director made a brash decision. They took one of the PA speakers, draped a coat around it and placed a hat on it's head, then rolled it out on stage. The director then delivered the lines via a microphone from backstage. The sheer magic and absurdity of that decision immediately stuck in my head, and the idea for the movie was born.

Many, many drafts later, I finally finished the script for Speaker with a Hat On. Wildly different to the original tale, I was nevertheless pretty pleased with it. i'll maybe do a blog post in the future of the writing process, and the million different ideas I worked through and scrapped in forming this. Let's see how it turns out though.

You see, it's now going to be a movie. Thanks to the hugely supportive and broad Glasgow filmmaking scene, I've been able to put together a cast and crew and we're going to begin shooting in a few weeks. Here's where you come in. The film is about stand up comedians, and for a few important shots, we need a crowd. If you want in, you can either sign up to the event here: http://www.facebook.com/events/215020191949189/

OR you can email me with the details of the people attending at the following address: info @ declandineen.com

Anyone can come, so feel free to share. I just want to keep track of names and numbers so that I know everyone who's coming along and that they know what they're letting themselves in for. 

Why the Legend of Zelda has the best story in videogames

YOU Immediately you disagree with me, and that’s fine. Young kid finds out he’s the chosen one and sets off on a quest to rescue the princess and destroy the object of power and thwart the evil overlord is hardly a groundbreaking narrative. It’s the monomyth in a green tunic. This isn’t the story I’m talking about, that’s all just context. I’m talking about STORY.

NEED

I’ve been writing screenplays for the past few years, and one of the things I’ve become increasingly nerdy about is structure, the architecture of a story. I’ve cycled through a bunch of different methods over the past few years; the beat sheet, the three act structure, the sequence method, but there’s one in particular that really chimed with me, Dan Harmon’s story circle.

GO

I was originally turned onto this through a Wired interview with Harmon late last year, I dug back through the channel 101 wiki and found Harmon’s original posts breaking down the story circle. If you’re an aspiring writer or have any interest in word science I urge you to do the same, it’s perfect.

1.YOU 2.NEED 3.GO 4.SEARCH 5.FIND 6.TAKE 7.RETURN 8.CHANGE.

SEARCH

I spoke to the Dr. Frankenstein of TV/Gaming convergence Mark Sorrell about this a few months back, and he wrote a great blog about how we should be using algorithms like Harmon’s to generate stories on the fly in game, creating stories that can adapt organically to the whims of the user. I’m excited by this idea, but it’s the future, and I worry that just like space colonisation and jetpacks, my body will have withered and died before we get there.

FIND

So what about now? Is it useful to even try? Stories and games are almost intrinsically opposed artforms, interactive versus passive. Games are things I interact with, so they immediately become my story. By trying to layer another story on top of that you’re just getting in the way.

Even the most lauded narrative games fall into this dissonant trap:

Nathan Drake may be a likable wisecracking hero during the cut scenes, but between the flirting and the snappy banter, I brutally murder literally hundreds of people.

Niko Bellic may be a tortured soul living out the American Nightmare, but my Niko likes to base jump and and set up trucks so I can do stunt jumps in my golf cart. (I also murder hundreds of people.)

Even Mass Effect with it’s expansive set of moral choices does't really effect the story at all. No matter how much of a dick my Shepherd may be, I’m still going to save the world.

TAKE

As soon as I take control of the character, then the story of the game is my story. Cutscenes will continue to be skipped, ingame emotional moments will be ruined by me careening about the closed set, and when Dom’s wife dies, I will make a cup of tea until I’m allowed to shoot aliens again. There's no hope.

RETURN

"Hey! Listen!" Zelda though, man. Zelda nailed it years ago. When I say Zelda, I’m referring to pretty much every version of the game since they've all had the same basic structure from the start. Some people seem to see this as lazy, but the structure is one of the master strokes, and the reason that Zelda is the greatest videogame story. Why?

You – Link

Need – To save Princess Zelda

Go – Out into the overworld

Serach – Adapt to the various enemies and traps around you

Find – you need a specific item to continue

Take – You need to make your way through Dungeons to get it

Return – You get the objects you need

Change – You are now able to rescue the princess

Granted, you could apply this structure to most narrative games (it is STORY after all.) What’s key about Zelda though, is that the story circle isn’t just a grand narrative laid over the top of the game, it is the structure of the game itself. Dungeon to dungeon.

You - Link

Need - The hookshot

Go - To the Dungeon

Search - Find your way around this new, alien environment

Find - The hookshot! Da-da-da-daaaa!

Take - The only way out is through the boss

Return - You defeat the boss and emerge to the overworld

Change - But now you have a hookshot, and suddenly you have a whole new way to play in the world.

CHANGE

The change is key here I think, because it’s not some faux emotional moment presented in a cut scene. It’s a change in me as a player. After every dungeon I have a new item and a new skill I can use to play the game in a different way. Now I have the hookshot maybe I can get that heart piece I saw back in Kakariko village? Or help the old lady rescue her sheep? It literally changes the world.

I realise talking about how great Zelda games are isn't exactly cutting edge, but man, how great are Zelda games?